Post funny stuffs & jokes here

[Aipico Armand]

***Police: where do u live?
Me: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
Me: with me
Police: where do u all live?
Me: together
Police: where is ur house?
Me: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Me: if i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
Me: next to my house

***Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning

***Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

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***Jack and Jill went up a hill,
So Jack could lick her candy,
Well Jack got a shock and mouthful of cock,
'Cause Jill's real name was Randy.
***Q: Is google a boy or girl?
A: Obviously a girl because it wont let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
***I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.
*** 6 year old kid was watching spongebob when he turned around and said " I know why squidward wears no pants! It's because his winky is on his face!
***How we wake up I'm the morning:
Brain: "Oh f*ck."
Body: "Don't get up."
D*ck: "THIS IS SPARTAA!!!"